August 17, 2020

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By Emma Bachtel

In my previous post, I talked about my first day back in the studio since Covid started (If you haven’t seen it, check it out!). In that post I talked about my experience, including the difficulties of returning to the studio after so much time off.

I am now into my second week back to dance, and I’m not going to pretend it’s been all rainbows and butterflies. Of course I’m excited to be back, but it is also an intensely frustrating experience. There have been some days that I leave the studio wondering if I’ll ever get back to where I was., but there are also days that I’ve left the studio feeling good and more confident in my abilities.

I started thinking about why I’ve been feeling this way towards dance. At first, I would scold myself when I didn’t feel like going to class; telling myself I should be grateful to be back in studio after all this time. Then, I realized something: I have a love/hate relationship with dance, and it’s okay!

It was when I considered the idea of myself being in a relationship with dance that it all made more sense. I love dance, but that doesn’t mean I always have to like it. This is true in all relationships. You love your friends, but you don’t always like them. Sometimes they get on your nerves or make you mad. Sometimes you want to hug them and spend time with them, and sometimes you don’t want to talk to them at all.

It’s the same way with dance! Just because you love it doesn’t mean you won’t have bad days. This week there was one day in particular I found myself not feeling entirely motivated to go to class. I still went, but I felt off and had a hard time getting my whole body to engage. At first I was confused- “What’s wrong with me?” I thought. Then, I realized nothing was wrong with me- I’m just normal!

It’s normal to have those off days in dance and in life. What I’m learning is that I don’t have to be so afraid of them. When I start to have negative feelings towards dance I fear that I’ve fallen out of love with it. But, in fact, the complete opposite is true! The bad days exist to remind me that I love dance unconditionally. When it’s frustrating, painful, and exhausting, I still love it. For better or for worse, I’ll always be a dancer.